Kulaydoscope

now

2012-01-01T00:01:00.007+08:00

Have you tasted life?

     Have your bits of broken dreams
     and pieces of lost hopes
made you crave for yesterday
and thirst for tomorrow?

     For the fullness of your heart
     and satisfaction of your soul...

bite...
now.

Focus

2011-12-05T16:47:00.009+08:00

Detaching myself from the blogging community after the 2010 Philippine Blog Awards was the biggest sin I’ve made in the blogosphere.

After the 2011 PBA last Saturday, I came to realize what I've lost. I got disconnected from them. I felt like I was a lonely little girl watching my playmates from afar while they were enjoying each other’s company.

Focus.
I've lost my focus this year.

What I did was just write, post and leave them here. I've lost focus on reading, commenting and even in saying hi to fellow bloggers because I enjoyed much the outside world.

I do not know when will I be able to write after this. And I do not know when will I focus on blogging once again.

I just do not know.

Thank you Philippine Blog Awards. Thank you. My heart smiles.
God Speed.
Till I blog again.

February Moon

2011-12-05T16:46:00.002+08:00

In a sleeping town, in her half-dark room, she laid with her white silk dress as her eyes stared at the ceiling. Memories of the months that had passed lingered as unspoken words and silent cries wanted to be heard. Her whole being seemed to be waiting for someone that night. She stood away from her bed and walked out of her room. She opened the front door and started walking in a lighted up yet lonely road. Down to an old park, she sat on the bench under the light of the moon.

Staring at the night sky, she wondered what have gone wrong and what could have been done. A cold wind touched her hair slowly reaching her chest. Her body was almost motionless. There was emptiness. There was a deep longing for solitude and her tears began to fall.

Suddenly, there was a soft touch of hands on her shoulders.

Silence.

It was him, the one her whole being was waiting for. He held her hands and sat down on the bench under the light of the moon. Memories of the months that had passed lingered as unspoken words and silent cries wanted to be heard.

Staring at the night sky, they both figured out what have gone wrong and what could have been done. A cold wind touched their bodies and their inner souls. There was a deep longing for solitude and tears began to fall.

Silence.

In a sleeping town, away from her half-dark room, down to an old park, there’s another love story to tell under the light of February moon.

photo from eskimo.com

146th

2011-10-23T21:03:00.002+08:00

"broken clouds

infinite horizons

reflected in a sea of souls…"

my tears fell

I got up out of my bed

and locked the door of my room

I held a pen and a paper

and tried to write

but then I thought about God

I put down what I held in my hand

because I really felt blue

I closed my eyes

and began to pray

“Don’t take away this sadness

No, don’t dry my tears

Oh Lord let me feel blue

for once I think about You

You let me feel You.”

TINGIN TULALA TUNGANGA

2011-09-23T19:29:00.003+08:00

Titingin na lang ba ako
at matutulala sa kawalan
hanggang ako’y matagpuan?

Tutunganga na lang ba ako
habang ang ila’y nakatingin
sa tulalang tulad ko?

Tingin.
Tulala.
Tunganga.

Ako'y

nakatingin
nakatulala
nakatunganga

sa puntod ng nakaraan
at hanging nagdaan
sa gitna ng kawalan.

2011-09-06T19:18:00.002+08:00

bliss-still-bliss

2011-08-22T20:36:00.004+08:00

bliss

bliss
I thought I was in bliss
alone
with your lips
that gave me a kiss

still
still
I stood still
alone
in the hill
that made me chill

bliss
bliss
yes I thought
I was still in bliss
alone
in the hill
with your lips
that made me chill

au revoir

2011-07-16T20:56:00.004+08:00

Kuha Mo?

2011-07-15T17:32:00.003+08:00

Ang bawat salita,
ang bawat pangungusap,
ang bawat talata,
lalung-lalo na
ang bawat linya
at saknong
sa mga panulat na narito
ay ako.

Kuha mo?

Ako na sa salitang Ingles ay “me”,
at sa tradisyunal na Chinese ay 我的.

Kuha mo?

Ako?
Hindi.

Ako ang salita
na nabuo bilang pangungusap
at ang pangungusap
na nabuo bilang talata.

At ako rin
ang mga linya
na nabuo bilang saknong.
Ako at ako nga.

Kuha mo?

Ang bawat emosyon
ang bawat reaksyon
ang bawat aksyon
at ang bawat kumbulsyon..?
na ipinahayag
sa blog na ito
ay ako.
Kuha mo?

Titigilan ko na ito.
Magulo.
Ako.
Kuha mo?

kids.

2011-07-14T19:07:00.006+08:00

girlsandboysdollsandballs smilesandhulahoops.blueballoonschocolatecakes wishesandloadsoftoys.tirelessfeet unworriedshoeslaughterandendlessfun.

kids.

cold

2011-07-13T21:19:00.003+08:00

in silence. in chaos

2011-07-13T15:09:00.016+08:00

In this chaotic world
where I am destined to exist
I long for the words
that I hear in silence

the silence that gives rest
to my weary soul

the weary soul
that sighs for solitude

tell me

are you the words
that I hear in silence
and the silence
that I seek for in this chaotic world?

smiles, scars and souvenirs

2011-07-10T09:15:00.008+08:00

stare at my face
read my mind
I’ll give you smiles
as souvenirs

look straight in my eyes
within my smiles
are scars
as souvenirs

those smiles
those scars
are souvenirs
from the past that is real

Virtuoso

2011-06-23T16:54:00.004+08:00

Virtuoso
give me a song of love
a masterpiece
forever playing
in my heart

my life
my soul
my everything
oh Virtuoso
a song of love

your masterpiece
your symphony
for my heart
and for my soul
Virtuoso, oh Virtuoso

photo from graphicswow.com (LithoSerigraphs by Barbara A. Wood)

crackerjack

2011-06-22T19:55:00.005+08:00

work’s so fine
never left behind
crackerjack
such a crackerjack

perfect ten
again and again
crackerjack
such a crackerjack

if most wanna be a crackerjack
don’t consider the one who owns this blog

How's It There On The Other Side?

2011-06-19T10:15:00.018+08:00

Last night I was thinking
How’s it there on the other side?
Is there a wind that blows and a sun that shines?
Are there countless stars and bright full moon at night?
Are there grasses that are greener,
and skies that are so blue?
Are there oceans that meet the seas, rivers and streams?
Are there beasts that freely run and do no one no harm?
Tell me,
how’s it there on the other side?

Last night I was thinking
How‘s it there on the other side?
They say it is much better there than here.
Does everything look like the Hollywood movies?
Are there Space Shuttles better than like that of NASA’s,
and travel faster than the speed of light?
Can you walk from galaxies to galaxies
without being lured into the black hole?
Tell me,
how’s it there on the other side?

Last night I was thinking
How’s it there on the other side?
They say it is much better there than here.
There are no earthquakes, typhoons and hurricanes.
There are no guns, and goons and bombs.
And there are no heartaches, anger, pain and tears.
Father, last night I was thinking.
How are you there on the other side?
Tell me,
because I am here and doing fine.

photo from google images

Ginoong Estranghero

2011-06-07T21:43:00.001+08:00

Ginoong estranghero
Lumilipad na naman ang isip ko
Ilang buwan na ring ganito
Laman ka ng bawat panaginip ko

Ginoong estranghero
Ikaw na lang ng ikaw ang nasa isip ko
Nagtatanong ako bakit ganito
Ako’y nalilito sa tuwing tititig sa iyo

Ginoong estranghero
Gusto na kitang alisin sa isip ko
Dahil parang ayoko ng ganito
Pagmamahal na naman yata ito

Ginoong estranghero
Ang korni na yata nito
Nagsusulat na naman ako
Nakakaloka na ginoo, ginoong estranghero

run

2011-05-06T15:01:00.008+08:00

papermoon

gonna make a papermoon
wish that I could see you soon

Halley's Comet
gonna wait for Halley's Comet
wish your eyes meet mine when it hits this planet

summer sun
gonna chase the summer sun
wish that I could have you and run

Naiinis ako ‘nay!

2011-05-05T15:45:00.008+08:00

Alas-tres ng madaling araw
ang ingay ingay mo sa kusina
kalampagan nang kalampagan ang mga kaldero,
kawali at takure.
Amoy usok pa dahil kalang de-uling ang gamit mo
alas-kwatro y medya ang lakas ng katok mo sa kwarto
“Kulay! Gising na! nakahanda na ang almusal mo,
may nakasalang na mainit na tubig pampaligo, bumangon ka na.”

Naiinis ako ‘nay!

Habang kumakain ako ng sinangag at itlog na niluto mo
uulitin mo na naman
“Kulay, yung tubig na nakasalang pampaligo mo yun.”
Pagkatapos kong mag-almusal,
maligo at mag-ayos ng sarili,
handa na ako sa pagpasok sa trabaho babangon ka na naman,
“Kulay! Magdala ka ng payong,
baka mamaya umulan o kaya mainit pag-uwi mo.
Ikandado mo yung pinto, mahihiga na ako.”

Naiinis ako ‘nay!

Pag-uwi ko sa bahay
sasabihin mo sa mga kapatid ko
“O, yung pagkain ng ate n’yo ha, nandun na
Kulay, kumain ka na.”
Papasok ako sa kwarto,
magpapahinga sandali
kakatok ka na naman
“Hoy Kulay kumain ka na.”
Pupunta ako ng lababo pagkatapos kumain,
maghuhugas ng pinggan
pipigilan mo ako, “
Bitawan mo ‘yan, ako na d’yan.”

Naiinis ako ‘nay!

Aayusin ko ang marumi kong damit,
pipigilan mo ako,
“Bitawan mo ‘yan, ako na d’yan.”
Hahawak ako ng walis,
pipigilan mo ako,
“Bitawan mo ‘yan, ako na d’yan.”
Papasok ako sa kwarto,
kakatok ka na naman
“O Kulay, yung kumot mo pati punda ng unan
nilabhan ko na, eto gamitin mo.”

Naiinis ako ‘nay!

Tatlumpu’t isang taon ng buhay ko, ganyan ka.
Lagi mo na lang akong inaasikaso.
Naiinis ako sa sarili ko ‘nay!
Tatlumpu’t isang taon ng buhay ko hindi ko pa rin alam
kung paano ko susuklian ang pag-aasikaso mo.
Pakiramdam ko, kulang ang sabihin kong,
“mahal kita ‘nay!”
Gusto ko, ako naman ang magsilbi sa’yo.
Pero paano?
Kung alas-tres palang na madaling araw gising ka na?
Ako nakahilata pa!
Aylabyu ‘nay!
Happy Mother’s Day!

photo from google images

overdosed

2011-04-29T13:41:00.008+08:00

my clock’s tickin' one, my fan’s two

summer heat in an old room, my pens are three
wanna write somethin’ ‘bout me, end up thinkin’ of you
supposed to meet you at four, but my work’s til five
dine out with a group of six, have to be home at seven
answer your call at eight, it's cloud nine
cats are on the roof at ten, I guess they’re eleven
kiss you goodnight at twelve, now my clock’s tickin' one
fan’s still two, summer heat in my old room
still awake at three, wanna write somethin’ 'bout me
close my eyes at four, but geez it’s already five
like to take pills of six, maybe seven, eight or nine
have to find myself sleepin' til ten, eleven, twelve
‘cause when I wake up, back to thinkin' of you... one

Take Note

2011-04-28T09:17:00.003+08:00

Sheesh…

I have to repeat these lines...

I was a brokenhearted girl year 2010 and I found myself writing and writing and writing notes about my brokenness,

... and poems. Yeah, poems.

I started writing notes in my facebook account, then in the blog site where reblogging is allowed and finally moved in here. Focused on creative writing and created a literary blog ‘coz the results of my brokenness were masterpieces. (oh well, for me)

Technically speaking, I visited several sites and familiarized myself in the world of blogging while I was mending my broken heart. I was a nobody writer, a nobody poet and a nobody blogger. I was just a brokenhearted girl struggling to move on.

This small space was just like a notebook to me, the place where I put the strands of my emotions, whirlwind emotions. I did not intend to show or brag about what I consider a God-given talent in writing. But then I told myself that I had a lot of stories to share to whoever passed by this blog. My prayer then was that I could somehow be an inspiration to others. All I had to do was to post what my heart asked me to write.

Then I got a nomination from the Philippine Blog Awards on the third quarter of 2010 and became a finalist. College students, friends and acquaintances messaged me how I inspired them to put their hearts in the things they were into.

Today, some people I know share their passions and create their own blogs. I know that these people, in a way or another, have been inspired by the badge this blog has. And I am happy. And if the angels would ask me to finally close my eyes, then I’d gladly do it 'coz my prayer has been answered … “that I could somehow be an inspiration to others.”

Sheesh…

(kidding)

Well yeah.

Life and love give us unexpected circumstances, mostly, life-changing.
In my case, indeed.

I was a brokenhearted girl year 2010.
Now smiling big 2011.
Take note.

Once Upon A Hospital

2011-04-25T06:53:00.002+08:00

Everytime I see you, my heart beats in a 36 degree angle,
zero degree Fahrenheit,
near the boiling point and
magnitude 9 in the Richter Scale.
Can you tell me where the room with white foam walls is?
I guess this crazy thought is caused by this little thing called love.

Si JC at ang mga Mandarame

2011-04-23T15:39:00.014+08:00

Sa tuwing makakakita ako ng mga nagpepenitensya sa telebisyon, tumataas ang kilay ko at nagtatanong kung bakit kailangan pa nilang gawin 'yun. Inililipat ko ang telebisyon kapag ganoon at naghahanap ng ibang mapapanood.

Ngayong Holy Week, nangako ako sa mga pinsan ko sa Pampanga na dadalaw ako sa kanila, makikibond at magsswimming. Ang totoo, bumili pa ako ng mga swimsuit para dun, susulitin ko ang bakasyon dahil maraming trabaho pagpasok ng Mayo. Hindi ko alam na ang pagkakataong ito ang babago sa pananaw ko sa mga taong nagpepenitensya.

Sa bungad palang ng Pampanga, hindi ko inaasahang makakita ako sa personal ng mga katulad nila at maaantig ang puso ko sa mga Mandarame at makakapagnilay ng ganoon kalalim.

Sa bawat isang Mandarameng dumaraan, hindi tao ang naiisip ko kundi si JC at ang sakripisyong ginawa Niya para sa atin. Ang totoo, dinurog ng mga Mandarame ang puso ko, may mga nadadapa sa sobrang pagod at bigat ng krus na dinadala nila. Seryoso. Gusto kong makibuhat at tulungan sila. Ang iba naman, sobrang dami na ng dugo ang lumalabas sa paghampas nila sa kanilang likod, gusto kong sabihing "tama na".

Ang bawat isang Mandarame, may istorya sa likod ng pagbuhat ng krus at paghampas sa likod. Hindi s’ya isang choreographed na performance para sa ikasisiya ng mga turista. May malalim na dahilan at kahilingan sa Panginoon kaya nila ginagawa iyon. Noon ko sila lubos na naintindihan. Doon din pumasok sa isip ko ang hirap ni JC sa kamay ng mga nagparusa sa Kanya sa kabila ng kagustuhan Niyang mapalapit tayo sa Kanyang Ama. Sobra. Ang sabi ko sa sarili ko, mas brutal pa d’yan ang dinanas Niya. At kung sakaling buhay na ako ng panahong iyon, hindi siguro titigil ang pagpatak ng luha ko.

Ang pangako ko ngayon sa sarili ko, matututo na akong pasanin ang sarili kong krus sa buhay nang hindi ako magrereklamo. Lagi kong iisipin, na ang lahat ng bagay ay naaayon kagustuhan ng Panginoon. Gaano man ito kabigat o kasakit, huhubugin ako nito bilang isa sa mga anak Niyang gusto niyang makasama sa Kanyang kaharian.

Mga Mandarame, salamat. Nang dahil sa inyo, nakapagnilay ako ngayong Holy Week sa hindi ko inaasahang pagkakataon. At Sa'yo JC maraming maraming salamat. Ang buhay, sakripisyo at pagkamatay Mo ang siyang nagligtas at patuloy na magliligtas pa sa amin, sa akin.

Unspoken

2011-04-09T19:53:00.003+08:00

The greatness of the sun and multitude of stars,

the bright full moon and the glory of heavens and immeasurable universe,
the wonders of Science and its unfathomable depth,
yes,
they all enthrall my psyche...
as much as this strange feeling
when I look into your eyes.

Dear me,

2011-03-05T12:05:00.020+08:00

How do you do? I can see that you feel great right now. Living life the way you want it. Dressing up and feeling good. Making the most out of what you have.

Do you still have tears at night? You sure do. But you’re indeed fine, looking at every single thing that comes your way as a gift from heavens above.
Be it small.
Be it big.
Be it low.
Be it high.
Can I go back to tears? Yes, you do have. But not of regrets, but of joy that you have found even though you’re alone. It’s a dream came true to make yourself whole again. Not a single soul does that for you, but you alone.
Can you tell the world how glad you are to be near the woman you always want to be? But I guess you won’t. Because the whole world can tell that that woman is somehow in you now by just simply looking at you.
In your solitude, you treat life and reality the way they want to be treated, an old “go with the flow.” You may be smiling yet you’re in tears most of the time, but in your being, you know that that’s how it is. That’s life. That’s reality. And that’s really how they are.
Yeah, I am talking to me. It’s been a year and how have I been? Smiling? Laughing? Or still in tears? Whatever the case may be, dear me, I’m glad of what I have become. I’m glad of the road of life I’m traveling. I’m glad of the people I meet along the way and how I learn to treasure each one of them. I’m glad of the bumps along the road, and no, they aren’t stumbling blocks but ones to be paved for me to have a safe journey to wherever I choose to be.
Dear me. I guess I’m on my way to a new me. And I would never go back to the old me. Enjoying my ride to life, hoping and praying that I would reach that place I call “new me,” sooner or later.
Yes, a new life, a new me, is waiting for me there, somewhere.
Dear me.

B.O.R.E.D.

2011-02-26T05:44:00.011+08:00

Wala akong magawa
mag-iinternet na lang ako
manonood sa youtube
magcocomment sa facebook
magbabasa ng mga blog entry
at maggogoogle ng kung anu-ano
O kaya naman
magyayaya ako ng mga kaibigan
magmamall
manonood ng sine
magkakape
at magpipicture picture
Pwede ring
uuwi na lang ako ng bahay
manonood ng tv
makikinig sa fm
magvivideoke
at matutulog
Wala kasi talaga akong magawa
ibahin ko kaya?
kukulutin ko na lang buhok ng aso namin
maglalaba ng mga puno
tatayo sa ulo ng kapitbahay
magpapakulo ng ice cream
maglalagay ng carpet sa bubong
bibigyan ko ng award ang sarili
maghihiwa ng tubig
magtatanim ng tinapay
magtatayo ng bagong pyramid
at bubuhayin ko ang mga Trojan
Ayan marami na akong gagawin
Tara! Join ka!

photo from google images

srsly

2011-02-25T21:52:00.012+08:00

bed. phone. net. chat. work. read. write. goof. blink. think. scratch. pinch. buzz. whine. paint. toss. turn. play. run. speak. test. sweat. climb. tie. hold. plug. fade. file. go. get. give. have. put. do. be. try. sneak. wear. sell. sing. find. buy. make. drop. jump. ride. blow. bite. watch. skip. pour. eat. sniff. burn. roll. see. pay. raise. bloat. wash. draw. shred. drink. spell. ring. hide. fly. act. spit. find. send. solve. hold. bite. sink. walk. dress. wink. stop. srsly. bored.

Interwebs

2011-02-20T10:16:00.015+08:00

Everytime I switch on my notebook
I wanderlust with Kidaokagee,
and live, love and laugh with Yoshke.
Go crazy with Kaththecrapout's sheer lunacy
and Klitorika's intimacy.
Chiksilog's my favorite
it's a word, she says, google that sh**!
Laugh my heart out with The Heckler,
and watch podcast with My Korean Boyfriend.
Get addicted to Back2Gaming
around the world with JustWandering.
Go lit with Citybuoy
history and politics with The ProPinoy.
Jaw drop at witty JonCabron
in awe at Leilockheart's images and words.

Everytime I switch on my notebook
bloggers my eyes wanna see.
Ghing and Yoshke
Kath, Klit and Xienahgirl.
That Korean Boyfriend and the Heckler
Leisa, Nyl and Jon,
well yeah I'm almost done.
Call me Pro Pinoy
JustWandering in the interwebs.
Now I have to finish this thing
then go Back2Gaming.

photo from google images

ten to one

2011-02-18T18:30:00.007+08:00

I'll sing a song for you

with a
ten string lyre
nine key clarinet
eight hole harmonica
seven string guitar
six hole flute
five string harp
four hole pipe
three string violin
two stick drum
and a promise of love.

Sampung Manika

2011-02-16T18:34:00.020+08:00

Pupunta ako ng Divisoria

bibili ng sampung manika
naghintay ako ng sasakyan
limang dyip ang dumaan
isa ang huminto
ang nagtanong sa akin ng ganito,
"miss, saan ka?"
sagot ko'y
"sa divisoria,
bibili ng sampung manika."

Umandar na ang dyip
sa bintana ako'y sumilip
dalawang bus ang nasa tapat
sa bilis, daig pa ang mga atat
tumingin naman ako sa kanan
tatlong kotse ang nag-uunahan
may limang ale ang pumara't sumakay
ang apat ay may anak na akay-akay
nagbayad na ako ng pamasahe
sa Divisoria ang aking byahe.

Lumingon ako sa likod
kasunod nami'y sasakyan ng mga tanod
pagdating sa Morayta
anim na estudyante ang naggagala
sumakay sa dyip namin ang tatlo
at tinanong ako ng ganito,
"miss, saan ka?"
sagot ko'y
"sa divisoria,
bibili ng sampung manika."

Napatingin ako sa isang iskinita
siyam na pulubi ang aking nakita
mga pito sa kanila ay matanda
katabi nila ay mga lata
isang rugby boy ang pumara
wala akong magawa kundi ang maawa
tanong nya'y "miss, saan ka?"
sagot ko'y
"sa divisoria,
bibili ng sampung manika."

Pagdating sa Divisoria
naghanap ako ng sampung manika
namili ako ng magaganda
tumawad ako nang makamura
nagpaikut-ikot sa walong sulok
kahit pa ako'y mag-amoy usok
sa wakas! nakabili rin ako ng sampu
bago pa man ako mahapo
sumakay na ako ng dyip pauwi
sa byahe ayokong magpaabot ng gabi.

Pag-uwi ko sa aming bahay
wala sa loob ang aking nanay
nagpapaligo ng dalawa naming aso
pagkatapos ay lalagyan daw n'ya ng laso
dumiretso ako sa kusina
kumain ng tatlong empanada
bigla akong nag-alala
muntik pa akong matulala
binilang ko ang bibigyan ko ng manika,
naku! labing-isa pala sila.

photo from childtherapytoys.com

Yummy!

2011-02-14T03:17:00.011+08:00

Yummy ang magmahal. Yummy ang may minamahal. Yummy ang minamahal. Ngunit kung galing ka sa isang napakahabang relasyon na walang pinatunguhan, masasabi mong napakayummy ang maging malaya.
Dun mo makikilala ang sarili mo,
dun mo makikita ang mga pagkakamali mo sa pakikipagrelasyon,
dun mo mararamdaman ang mga taong tunay na nagmamahal sa'yo,
at dun mo sila higit na pahahalagahan.
Yummy ang maging malaya. Dahil sa oras na makilala mo ang sarili mo, makita ang mga pagkakamali sa pakikipagrelasyon, maramdaman ang mga taong tunay na nagmamahal sa'yo at pahalagahan sila, sasabihin mong mas higit na napakayummy na ang muling
magmahal.

bullet

2011-02-13T17:57:00.005+08:00

deep inside my heart
there’s a bullet
and it’s tearing me apart

sad eyes
hit my heart like a bullet
bullet deep inside my heart

silence
hits my heart like a bullet
and it’s tearing me apart

bullet
your sad eyes and silence
hit my heart like a bullet

bullet
deep inside my heart
there’s a bullet

and it’s tearing me apart

bullet

photo from bulletforge.com

call me Marilen, yup that's my name!

2011-02-10T17:56:00.030+08:00

tell me I’m crazy
tell me I’m insane
tell me all these silly things
I am the one to blame

well… call me Marilen
yup that’s my name!

writing is really not my game
but I found myself kinda winning
I started with anger, hatred and
with damn name dropping
but ended up with the greatest of ‘em all
uhmmm… love!

well… call me Marilen
yup that’s my name!

tell me I’m crazy
tell me I’m insane
tell me all these silly things
I am the one to blame

the world worships the original
uhmmm am I?
I have written all that I am
at the time I thought I’d lose my sanity
I don’t want the world to worship me
just wanna tell ‘em how I feel

tell me I’m crazy
tell me I’m insane
tell me all these silly things
I am the one to blame

then I have notes of everythin’
as I look at each one of ‘em
kaleidoscopic as it seems
then there’s faith, there’s hope
and the greatest of ‘em all
uhmmm… love!

well… call me Marilen
yup that’s my name!

tell me I’m crazy
tell me I’m insane
tell me all these silly things
I am the one to blame

so why do I tell yah all these?

cuz

it’s already been a year writing!

well… call me Marilen
yup that’s my name!

tell me I’m crazy
tell me I’m insane
tell me all these silly things
I am the one to blame

well... call me Marilen
yup that's my name!

And So I Miss You

2011-02-07T18:28:00.019+08:00

And so I miss you
but tell me what can I do?
It's weird that I feel this way for you
'cause I'm happy seein' you with your boo.
And so I miss you
when I'm in front of facebook at around two
It's weird that I feel this way for you
'cause I'm smilin' everytime she kisses you.
And so I miss you
oh boy please tell me what can I do?
It's really weird that I feel this way for you
since the day you looked at me too.
And so I miss you
but never mind the way I do.
I'll just look at your facebook at around two
oh maybe one day we'll be together too.

photo from myorkutglitter.com

akosikulay.com

2011-02-07T14:01:00.023+08:00

Sa puntong ito ng buhay ko, kailangan ko ng isang lalaking aahon sa akin sa matinding kahirapan. Mali. Hindi pala. Kailangan ko ng isang IT expert na tutulong sa akin para sa isang digmaan dito sa cyberworld. Mali. Hindi pa rin. Pero totoo. Kailangan ko ng isang IT expert, oo syempre sana lalaki (ehem) kung sakaling makapagdesisyon na akong magkaroon ng isang maliit na espasyo dito sa internet na masasabi kong sa akin. Tatawagin ko itong akosikulay.com. Ang ganda! Kakaiba! Parang blogspot lang ang inalis. Chuvanes!

Noong Martes, nakatanggap ang blog ko ng premyo mula sa Philippine Blog Awards ng isang taong hosting plan. Maaari na akong magregister bilang isang dot com sa anumang araw na gustuhin ko at ang panimulang plan ay sagot na nila. Iyon nga lang, sa tingin ko, hindi pa ako handa para dun. Marami pa akong dapat malaman sa pasikut-sikot dito sa internet lalo na sa mundo ng blogging. Kung sakali mang magdesisyon akong tanggapin na ang premyo, kailangang kailangan ko ng taong tutulong sa akin sa pag-aayos ng sarili kong site. Sa mga oras na ito, walang malapit sa akin na gagawa nun. At aaminin ko, hindi sapat ang kaalaman ko para dun. Baka pumalpak lang ako, sayang naman ang mga naisulat ko baka maglahong parang isang lalaking nambabae at iniwan ang kanyang asawa at mga anak. Ay mali. Hindi pala. Baka maglahong parang bula ang mga naisulat ko. Sayang naman.

Gayunpaman, nagpapasalamat ako sa karagdagan pang premyo ng PBA, pero malabo na tanggapin ko iyon dahil, ‘yun na nga, hindi pa ako handa para dun. Hindi ko na pahahabain pa dahil maghahanap pa ako ng lalaking IT expert na magiging katuwang ko sa buhay, este! Katuwang ko sakaling gustuhin ko nang maging isang dot com sa mga susunod na araw, linggo, buwan o taon. Pero siguro hindi muna ngayon.

Salamat PBA! Muah!

Aah si Shooting Star!

2011-02-03T14:31:00.000+08:00

Si Shooting Star
Ang nagbalik mula sa nakaraan ko.
Ngunit napakabilis nang pagdaan niya.
Ni hindi ko namalayan,
halos buong puso ko muntik na n’yang natangay.

Si Shooting Star
Ang nagparamdam sa akin na isang araw
muli akong matatagpuan ng pag-ibig.
Sa sandaling panahong kami’y nakapag-usap,
halos mahulog na ang loob ko sa kanya.

Si Shooting Star
Aah… si Shooting Star!
Halos araw-araw siyang dumadaan.
Pero sapat nang tinatanaw ko na lang siya.
Ngumingiti ang puso ko sa tuwing makikita siya.

Si Shooting Star
Isa lang ang malinaw,
siya ang aking prinsipe
nang mangarap ako
na isa akong prinsesa.

Si Shooting Star
Siya ang gatas sa aking kape,
siya ang palaman sa aking tinapay,
at siya ang pula sa aking itlog.
Ah basta! Hindi kumpleto kung wala siya.

Si Shooting Star
Siya ang mantika sa aking prito,
siya ang sabaw sa aking nilaga,
at siya ang usok sa aking inihaw.
Ah basta! Hindi kumpleto kung wala siya.

Si Shooting Star
Siya ang balakubak sa aking anit,
siya ang muta sa aking mata,
at siya ang tutuli sa aking tenga.
Ah basta! Hindi kumpleto kung wala siya.

Si Shooting Star
Ngunit isa lang talaga ang malinaw,
siya ang aking prinsipe
nang mangarap ako
na isa akong prinsesa.

Si Shooting Star
Ang nagbalik mula sa nakaraan ko.
Ngunit napakabilis nang pagdaan niya.
Ni hindi ko namalayan,
halos buong puso ko muntik na n’yang natangay.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice!

2011-02-02T19:28:00.016+08:00

Sugar and spice and everything nice!
Be a girl of smiles and never tell lies.

Sugar and spice and everything nice!
Be a girl who tries and go for the highs.

Sugar and spice and everything nice!
always be a girl of smiles and let your dreams fly.

photo from weheartit.com

Ang Mga Bintana

2011-02-01T00:01:00.005+08:00

Alas-dose ng tanghali,
bubuksan ko ang mga bintana
maghihintay ng ilang minuto
maya-maya pa'y makikita na kita.
Ang mga mata mo at mga ngiting
masarap titigan.

Alas-dose ng tanghali,
bubuksan ko ang mga bintana
maghihintay ng ilang minuto
maya-maya pa'y maririnig na kita.
Ang boses mo at mga tawang
masarap pakinggan.

Alas-dose ng tanghali,
bubuksan ko ang mga bintana
maghihintay ng ilang minuto
maya-maya pa'y makakausap na kita.
Ang mga kwento mo at alaalang
masarap balikan.

Alas-dose ng tanghali,
bubuksan ko ang mga bintana
maghihintay ng ilang minuto
maya-maya pa'y muli tayong magkikita.
Magtititigan, magtatawanan at
magkukwentuhan.

Alas-dose ng tanghali,
bubuksan ko ang mga bintana
maghihintay ng ilang minuto.
Oo nga pala, anong gamit mo?
Ang mga bintana din ba?
O ang gawa ng mansanas na may kagat?

Arms That Hold Me Tight

2011-01-27T18:21:00.002+08:00

I had shackles

and chains of pain,
I sighed and cried
in the drowning rain.
My wounded soul
was filled with troubles,
and my life
was worn out by sorrows.

Despairingly I called out
when everyone was gone,
I looked for comforters
but I found none.
Instead insults were thrown
as I walked around
and I trampled
almost lifeless on the ground.

I screamed in darkness
with my heart bleeding
but no one heard me
and my endless crying.
But in the same darkness
I saw the light
and I found myself
in Your arms that hold me tight.

You casted off the shackles
and chains of pain
and I won’t be sighing and crying
in the drowning rain.
You healed my wounded soul
and took away the troubles
now my life
won’t ever be worn out by sorrows.

Insults may be thrown
as I continue to walk around
but with You I won’t trample
lifeless on the ground.
For in the darkness
there will always be light
and You’ll carry me
in Your arms that hold me tight.

Seven Rays of Light

2011-01-25T15:19:00.009+08:00

Red, orange, yellow
green, blue, indigo, violet
seven rays of light,
arching in the sky.
God's promise is remembered,
that never will again the waters
become a flood to destroy all life.

There seems to be endless showers of rain,
so I bow down on my knees to pray.
And when I look up above the sky,
seven rays of light
red, orange, yellow
green, blue, indigo, violet
are arching in the sky.

Never again the rains I have
will turn into flood and destroy my life.
For red, orange, yellow
green, blue, indigo, violet
arching in the sky
are the seven rays of light,
the sign of hope and love promised by God.

photo from flickr.com

I Have Found God

2011-01-21T21:22:00.017+08:00

Series of tragedies struck me and my family in the past five years and I consider having it as the darkest days of our lives... the darkest days of my life.

Witnessing the tragic death of my father and my sister, the loss of my brother, the life-threatening situation of my eldest sister and the loss of the man who stood by me during those times made me feel that I was in the cliff of nothingness,

...in the darkness searching for the light.

My life was meaningless.

Smiles and laughter were gone for the pain they caused was like a dagger that wounded my soul. Inside healing was the only thing that I could do to move out of the darkness. It was then that I asked God to rescue me because I couldn't bear the pain anymore.

I opened the Bible and God talked to me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. " -Jeremiah 29:11-12

In the midst of darkness, I saw the light. I called upon Him and He listened to me. Yes, indeed, God's plans are for me to prosper, to give me hope and a future.

Those devastating tragedies brought me back to God. I started putting Him at the center of my life and asked Him to be the source of my happiness. I did not ask Him to take away the cup of pain I had if that would reveal His glory in my life. My only prayer was for Him to give me strength to endure it.

God listened to me.

Yes, He gave me strength until I found myself in His loving hands.

It was then that I started smiling and laughing, and seeing life in different perspective... everything happens for a reason.

As what Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

Yes, I know, like other believers, I am called according to His purpose for me. He sees the bigger picture of life ahead of me. I may not see it in perfect clarity by this time, but piece by piece, God is starting to reveal it. He does wonderful things in my life right now and He continues to amaze me.

One day, I'll be able to write my story in details and the wonderful things He did and He continues to do in my life. For now, I have to say, that after thirty years of my existence, I have found God.

And He's here in my heart.

Green Fields, Seas and Castle

2011-01-19T19:47:00.046+08:00

I walked in the green fields
under the sky that was so blue.
The unicorn asked me for a ride
over the magical rainbow we flew.

I knew I was dreaming,
because there I found you.

I sailed a boat onto the seas
in waters, mermaids smiled at me.
Some gave me a necklace of pearl,
others asked me to swim under the sea.

I knew I was dreaming,
because there I found you.

I entered a castle,
and the people greeted me with glee.
In the aisle meant for the majesty,
I walked in gown like a queen to be.

I knew I was dreaming,
because there I found you.

I woke up the next morning,
green fields, seas and castle were gone.
So I opened up my windows
and smiled as I looked through...

no I wasn't dreaming,
because there I found you.

Tinta

2011-01-17T18:23:00.014+08:00

Sa awit ng isang sikat na rapper
asul man daw, itim o pula,
paano mo ginamit ang tinta?

Ngunit ang tanong ko sa sarili ay iba.
Noon, asul man, itim o pula
saan ko ginamit ang tinta?

Asul sa naglahong mga ngiti
Itim sa pusong sugatan at nag-iisa
At higit sa lahat, pula sa galit na nadama

Asul sa walang hanggang pagpatak ng luha
Itim sa kawalan ng ligaya
At higit sa lahat, pula sa galit na nadama

Asul sa mga gabi ng pag-iisa
Itim sa paghihinagpis
At higit sa lahat, pula sa galit na nadama

Ngayon
Asul man, itim o pula
Saan ko na ginagamit ang tinta?

Asul sa pagbubukas ng bagong umaga 
Itim sa pagsilay ng liwanag at pag-asa
At higit sa lahat, pagmamahal para sa pula.

Somewhere

2011-01-17T08:57:00.017+08:00

At night I pray,
that I will meet you somewhere
where you can hold my hands
and hug me so tightly.

Somewhere…
where angels are watching us closely,
singing songs of love
with their bows and arrows and harps.

Somewhere…
where the sky is so blue
and the birds are carrying us
with feathers and wings that gently move.

Somewhere…
where rivers meet the seas and the oceans
and streams calmly flowing
with waters touching our feet

Somewhere…
where beasts are not in the cage,
running with us as fast as they could
with bodies that freely wander.

Somewhere…
where freedom is in our hands
and where early life began
with the garden made by the hands of God.

At night I pray,
that I will meet you there
Somewhere…
in that quiet place I call my dream.

Street Angels

2011-01-14T11:30:00.009+08:00

No halo.
Only innocent minds
and beautiful smiles.

No wings.
Only dreams that fly
somewhere beneath the sky.

No white dress.
Only pure hearts
hoping life considers them to be a part.

Street angels.

One day they'd no longer be...

Street angels.

Glass of Wine

2011-01-13T10:54:00.008+08:00

Today, I’ll write a rhyme
Tonight, I’ll continue if I still have a time
and then have a glass of wine
I hope tomorrow you’ll be mine

Today, I’ll spend a dime
Tonight, I’ll go out and watch a mime
and then have a glass of wine
I hope tomorrow you’ll be mine

Today, I‘ll be fine
Tonight, we’ll have a date and dine
and then have a glass of wine
I hope tomorrow you’ll be mine

Today, I’ll see you at nine
Tonight, we’ll cross the line
and then have a glass of wine
I hope tomorrow you’ll be mine

Today, I’ll write a rhyme
Tonight, I’ll continue if I still have a time
because we will have a glass of wine
for now I know that you are mine

When Love Comes To An End

2011-01-10T20:05:00.006+08:00

When love comes to an end...

I have a lot of harsh words
I lack discretion
I hate correction
I destroy myself from being cruel
and I have a crooked heart...

that's when love comes to an end.

But then I pray...
and it changes everything.
It just changes everything.

When love comes to an end...
I pray
and it changes me.
It just changes me.

Pray...
when love comes to an end.

Fall In and Out of Love (Life's Like That)

2011-01-01T00:01:00.017+08:00

have a cup of coffee
wait for a bus to ride
go to work
fall in love
life’s like that

meet up with your friends
have a little talk with them
get a little tipsy
fall in love
life’s like that

get a safe ride home
kiss your mum and dad
forget about your boo
fall out of love
life’s like that

the next day
break a heart
make someone cry
fall out of love
life’s like that

log in to facebook
change your status
make it single
fall in love
life’s like that

have a cup of coffee
they say love's like a bus
there's one after another
fall in and out of love
life's like that

go to work
meet up with your friends
kiss your mum and dad
forget about your boo
break a heart

log in to facebook
change your status
make it single
fall in and out of love
life’s like that

Sampu sa Dalawampu at Sampu!

2010-12-21T00:49:00.014+08:00

Para sa mga naliligaw dito...

Gusto ko lang ibahagi ang kwento ko sa blog na ito... hindi ako sumulat para magpasikat o makilala at hindi ako nag-blog para dun. Nang makita ko ang sarili kong nagsusulat ng mga tula-tulaan nang mawasak ang puso ko ngayong taon, naghanap ako ng mapaglalagyan ng mga iyon. Hanggang sa makita ko na lang ding muli ang sarili ko na nakapagsusulat na ng kung anu-ano pa.

Mga bandang Agosto, nang maging maayos na ang emosyon ko at wala na halos akong maisulat. Pagtungtong nga ng Setyembre wala na talaga akong naisulat. Ang sabi ko sa sarili ko, magiging static na ang blog ko pero at least nandidiyan lang ang mga naisulat ko.

Nang makatanggap ako ng nomination sa Philippine Blog Awards,napangiti nun ang puso ko. Hindi ko inakala na ang blog-bloggan ko na halos walang nagbabasa kundi malalapit na mga kaibigan, mga dalawa o tatlo sila, ay mapapabilang sa mga notable, finest and brightest Filipino blogs for 2010 (ang paglalarawan ng PBA at nabasa ko din sa mga artikulo sa iba pang website) Antaray noh?

Muli akong nakapagsulat dahil dun, basta bigla na lang. Pero pagkatapos ng awards night, parang tinanong ko na ang sarili ko kung magsusulat pa ba ako. Okey na ang lahat sa akin, nagsulat ako at unexpectedly kinilala ang mga naisulat ko. Sapat na yun at masaya na ako para dun.

Nagpadala ako ng mensahe ng pasasalamat sa isang kilalang blogger, at nasabi ko sa kanyang hindi ko talaga alam kung makakapagsulat pa ako. Pakiramdam ko kasi sapat na yung pagkilala na ibinigay sa blog at gusto ko na ring huminto.
Sumagot siya at sinabing, " bakit ngayon ka pa titigil? sayang naman... tayo'y magsulat. seryoso, sayang. malaking kasalanan sa mundo ng pagbablog pag hindi mo nilabas 'yung ganyang galing mo. oo, maniwala ka." -joncabron

Eh masunurin ako noh!

Itutuloy ko lang ang pagsusulat kahit pa walang magbasa ng blog ko. Ayoko lang din maging makasalanan sa mundo ng pagbablog. Echos!

Kaya naman 'pag tumuntong ang 2011, sisiguraduhin kong mas magaganda at ilalagay ko ang buong puso ko sa bawat maisusulat ko.

Pero bago ang mga iyon... mayroon din akong sariling top 10 posts para sa taong ito. Ang mga naisulat kong tumatak talaga sa puso ko. Eto na sila... drum roll please... duuun duuuun duuuun duuuun....

Sampu sa Dalawampu at Sampu!

10 In His Eyes, In My Ex-lover’s Eyes
9 smiles,tears and heartaches
8 Ako, Isang Laruan
7 Feel it
6 Baliw
5 The Best Book Ever-written
4 Today (after surviving the loss of a love)
3 Shadows of Lies
2 Dawns and Twilight, Sorrows and Rainbows
1 Like the Phoenix

Salamat sa mga naliligaw dito kung meron man. Maaari ninyong kopyahin ang mga naisulat ko pero sabi nga "basta huwag lang aangkinin."

Maraming Salamat 2010!

Come and Gone

2010-12-19T17:43:00.003+08:00

Can you tell me where Atlantis is?
An island that sank into the ocean
in a single day and night of misfortune?

Can you tell me where D.B. Cooper is?
A hijacker who parachuted into the night
while the plane flew to Reno?

Can you tell me where Amelia Earheart is?
An aviatrix who headed toward Howland Island
but never reached her destination?

And…

Can you tell me where the Holy Grail is?
A sacred cup, a holy cup,
the most precious of all the artifacts?

I’d rather search for each one of them
than my lover who has come and gone.

(I read a news about Amelia Earheart today... so again, I ended up writing this one.)

December Wind

2010-12-18T10:24:00.002+08:00

I can feel him softly touching my hair
and kissing my lips.
As I am standing in front of him,
tears are endlessly falling from my eyes
as I recall our days together.
December wind is embracing me so tightly
and I shiver in front of him.
The grasses around us witness the lovers’ union
as I am standing in front of him…
in front of my lover’s tomb.
December wind is embracing me so tightly
and I shiver in front of him.

Holding On and Letting Go

2010-12-18T07:54:00.012+08:00

It was Christmas Eve, she was crying…
she was crying.
It was then that she completely felt that she’s losing him. It was then that she started asking who was “her” in their lives. But she still tried to hold on and never let him go. And it was then that she had to fight for the love she had for him.
It was the painful reality she faced in her entire life.
It was the deepest cut she had… like a dagger that wounded her soul.
But still, she believed in him when he said… “they” had nothing.
He just wanted to find himself.
He was asking for space because their relationship was suffocating.
He said she had a lot of insecurities. She was too jealous. She asked so much of his time and attention and he’s tired of her.
He’s tired of her…
those were the words that she never heard from him during the years they had together.Those were the words that added cuts in her wounded soul.

She was crushed.
She was torn into pieces.

And she gave him space.
He told her they would see each other after a month. He told her he would come home and fix everything that was broken. He told her he would work things out for her, for them. He told her…
Each day without him made her feel that she was being buried alive.
She felt like she was a lost soul walking in darkness.
Until a few days before they met, she called him up to say she was expecting him to come. But his answer caused so much heartache… “I can’t make it. Ayoko nang makita ka.” That line was a torturing pain that was slowly killing her. But she still insisted to see him and told him to be man enough to tell it right into her face that he’s ending everything with her.

So they met.

It was a night full of tears. It was a night of sorrow. It was the lowest point in their lives. They cried a lot and embraced each other so tightly telling her that he loves her so much but he could not accept the fact that he was so weak to fall into temptation. But she was afraid to ask if “she” really was the girl.

He was so confused that night. She couldn’t read his mind. He told her, the decision was hers. If she wanted to stay in the relationship but she had to give him space until he made up his mind.

She chose to stay.
That’s how much she loves him then.
She chose to stay.

She went home and kissed him goodbye. It was the last kiss she had from the man who also gave her that magical first kiss.
Two days after that, she sent him a message asking what lies ahead of them. He replied and said… “Honestly? The feeling is gone and friendship is all I have for you.”

Her world crumbled.

Why?
She was asking why .
What changed his mind and heart completely?

Then so much hatred in her heart came out and reached out to that girl. She searched for the truth. She wanted to know who was "her" to come between them. But she got nothing but lies.
After that incident, she started writing and writing and writing… heartaches, pain, sorrow… all were written in tears. She wanted to reach out to both of them and let them know how painful it was for her that they had hidden the truth behind lies.

She thought those words and tears would bring him back to her.
But never.
Never.

Christmas is once again coming.

If some thinks that holding on would make them strong, for her… it was letting go.
She had left everything behind and started looking at the brighter things ahead of her.

She continues to write and write and write...
in fact, she’s writing this one right now.

Chocolate Dreams

2010-12-16T15:08:00.011+08:00

Alone
she slowly walks up the stairs
with a simple white dress
a light make-up on
and a fancy necklace.
As she reaches her room
she strips down to her shoes
until she wears nothing.

She leans against the railings of her bed
she turns off the lamp
and a feathery cloud covers her room,
until there's nothing but darkness.

She sinks into her dreams
and starts losing track of time,
as she closes her eyes
she waits for her chocolate dreams.

Alone
she leans against the railings of her bed
she turns on the lamp
until there's no darkness.
She slowly walks down the stairs
with an elegant white dress
a heavy make-up on
a diamond necklace
and as she walks away from her room
she sinks into her dreams
and starts losing track of time
as she is having her chocolate dreams.

Alone
she opens her eyes
with beaming light from the outside
wearing nothing.
She slowly walks down the stairs
and as she walks away from her room
with no make-up on
and no diamond necklace,
she smiles for it all happens
in her chocolate dreams.

(I was looking for something inside my bag this afternoon when I saw the chocolates given to me by someone yesterday. What's next? I wrote this one. If you don't see any connection... neither do I. Kidding! -quoted from G.M. )

At The 2010 Philippine Blog Awards Night

2010-12-13T06:04:00.035+08:00

Yup! It was really a night to remember.
I'm still overwhelmed by the nomination I got from the PBA and more so when I learned that I was one of the seven finalists for best literary blog.
I've only been writing and blogging for about eight months and I only have a few readers, mga kaibigan ko pa at napapadaan lang. Ang saya di ba? Then be recognized as one of the notable blogs in the country for 2010 really makes me feel like I'm a winner though I didn't win.
Last night, I got to see a lot of bloggers in town, most of them dito ko lang sa net nakikita. Got pictures of them too.(to name a few... Loi Reyes Landicho (professionalheckler.wordpress.com)with his astig winning speech "Hindi ko in-expect ‘to. Inasam ko ‘to." yeojachingu (mykoreanboyfriend.wordpress.com) she's really pretty and so nice! xienahgirl (chiksilog.com) she's pretty and nice too!)
Yeah as what the Philippine Blog describes them...
Bloggers of different views.
Bloggers of different ages.
Bloggers of different persuasion.
Bloggers of different forms, shape and purpose.
All Filipinos in spirit.
At naloka ako because I felt like I was in a new world!I only get to mingle with people of the real world and it was really my first time to be with the people of the cyberworld.And they really put a smile in my heart.
It was really fun and I would never ever forget that night for the rest of my life!
Come to think of it... early this year I got my first brokenheart and I kept on crying. But now, before the year ends, I got a big recognition as a result of the tears I had. Glory to God.

Truly, my life's chapter for this year is FROM SCARS TO STARS.

Thank you Philippine Blog Awards... you are awesome!
Congratulations to all the winners... you are indeed the Filipino pride.
So happy to be with you Pinoy Bloggeros!
Ako si Kulay and since birth... I'm proud to be Pinay!

inside Carlos P. Romulo Theater, RCBC Plaza, Makati

with my friend Ruby, my sister Melo and Azrael of azraelcoladilla.com =)

at the reception, Carlos P. Romulo Auditorium

guess where? ahahaha! maiba lang at kailangan mas malaki talaga para masaya! =)

In excess: What did I notice with the bloggers I was able to talk with? Most of them are single! Oh yeah! I belong! =)

Ahahaha! (Ikalawa)

2010-12-12T00:32:00.009+08:00

Magdamag na akong gising
Nagbabasa ng mga bago kong naisulat
may naalala ako...
Kanina kausap ko ang matalik kong kaibigan
sabi niya, binasa n'ya ang una kong ahahaha!
Magcocomment daw sana siya at sasabihing
"Ano ka...dito kaya sa Vietnam at China
may mga babaeng construction worker!
Malay mo sa Pilipinas ikaw ang mauna!"
Ahahaha!
Di ko alam bakit naisip n'ya yun
Ahahaha!
Itinuring ko pa man din siyang kaibigan!
Gusto pa talaga akong ilagay sa kasaysayan!
Ahahaha!
"Kulay - semento ang buhay!"
Ahahaha!
Ang tigas naman nun!
Pero naisip ko...
ano kayang itsura ko habang nagbubuhat
at naglalagay ng buhangin at graba sa mixer?
Ahahaha!
In fairness, maglilipstick pa ako nun!
At sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon
magpopony tail ng hair...
Ahahaha!

Magdamag na akong gising
Nagbabasa ng mga bago kong naisulat
may naalala ako...
Bakit nga pala ako maglilipstick pa
eh sa tindi ng sikat ng araw malamang
bitak bitak na ang mga labi ko nun!
Ahahaha!
Pero naisip ko, kung ganun nga kaya ang trabaho ko
makakapag retouch pa kaya ako kapag break time?
Kahit face powder man lang?
Ahahaha!
Biruin ko yun! Puro alikabok na nga ako
magreretouch pa!
Ahahaha!
Guguhit talaga ako sa kasaysayan nun!

Magdamag na akong gising
Nagbabasa ng mga bago kong naisulat
may naalala ako...
maisipan ko pa kayang makapagpa manicure
at pedicure linggu-linggo?
Ahahaha!
Para naman kyut ang mga daliri ko
habang may buhat-buhat na hollow blocks.
O kaya habang pumuputol ng bakal!
Ang tigas ko talaga pag ganun!
"Kulay - ang construction worker na kikay!"
Ahahaha!

Magdamag na akong gising
Nagbabasa ng mga bago kong naisulat
may naalala ako...
Subukan ko kayang mag-apply sa ganun?
nang maexperience ko naman ang bigat ng trabaho nila?
Mag-aapply akong nakalipstick
with matching manicure and pedicure.
Tanggapin kaya ako?
O tuluyan na akong ilagay sa mixer?
Ahahaha!

Magdamag na akong gising
Nagbabasa ng mga bago kong naisulat
may naalala ako...
kailangan ko na nga palang magbeauty rest
aattend pa ako ng awards night
Ahahaha!
Magdadala ako ng pala!
este!
magdadala ako ng face powder at lipstick
para naman walang makakilala sa akin
bilang si Kulay- ang construction worker na kikay!
Ahahaha!

Oh That Magical Thing Called Love!

2010-12-11T04:37:00.020+08:00

I write about notes of thoughts, of laughter, of anger, of hatred, of faith, of hope but above all - of love.... that magical thing called love!
From the blissful beginning to the torturing pain of its ending... oh that magical thing called love!
I toss and turn at night, surrounded with words of laughter, anger, hatred, faith, hope but above all - of love... oh that magical thing called love!
Love they say that brings hope, beauty, color and joy into life that also brings pain and heartache.
Love they say as for a lover, as passion for someone that causes loss and devastation.
Love they say as a typical expression of emotions from the sweet hello to bitter goodbye.
Love that appears in books, poetry, fairy tales, movies and music
and love as a teacher that teaches when to hold on and when to let go.
Much has been written about love, looking at a new perspective...I see it as how others see it, as something to hope for when world crashes down after love...oh after that magical thing called love!

4th of July

2010-12-10T19:23:00.004+08:00

It was the 4th of July
when I got a picture of you with her.
Your smiles are genuine and
your eyes are beaming with joy.
The question that caused so much pain,
had been clearly answered
when I got a picture of you with her.

So long,
goodbye
you'll be forgotten.
I let go of the love
that you first put into waste.

It was the 4th of July,
when I got a picture of you with her,
my independence day
from all the hurts and the pain
brought by our yesterday.

So long,
goodbye
you'll be forgotten.

I'm looking at the picture of you with her,
that freed me from all the hurts and the pain.
Your smiles are genuine and
your eyes are beaming with joy.
So long,
goodbye
you'll be forgotten.

It was the 4th of July
when I got a picture of you with her,
my independence day
from all the hurts and the pain
brought by our yesterday.

So long,
goodbye
you'll be forgotten.

(I was supposed to clean up my files when I saw the research I had for Gliese 581g and an old picture...yeah I ended up writing two poems.)

Gliese 581g

2010-12-10T17:48:00.007+08:00

20 light years from earth
about 120 trillion miles away from here
I want to be with you
there...
at Gliese 581g

20 light years from earth
about 120 trillion miles away from here
We could freely walk together
there...
at Gliese 581g

20 light years from earth
about 120 trillion miles away from here
I want to spend my remaining lifetime with you
there...
at Gliese 581g

20 light years from earth
about 120 trillion miles away from here
We could somehow be the new Adam and Eve
there...
at Gliese 581g

Truly, I Am So Ordinary

2010-12-07T14:43:00.005+08:00

I'm sitting still
with my burger, fries and float,
looking at people around me...
truly, I am so ordinary.

In front of me is a couple
with their wonderful children.
In their eyes I see
two souls with hearts that beat as one.

Beside me is an old man
laughing and cracking jokes.
In his eyes I see
a life with laughter and joy.

Looking at people around me...
truly, I am so ordinary.

I'm holding my pen and a paper
writing about what I see
a girl far from me looks so ordinary
...ordinary just like me.
Younger than I am,
will she find a soul with a heart
that will beat as one with hers?
Or have a life
full of laughter and joy?

Looking at people around me,
we both look so ordinary.

Looking at people around me,
truly, I am so ordinary...
longing to meet a soul
with a heart that will beat as one with mine,
and a life full of laughter and joy.

I'm sitting still
with my burger, fries and float,
looking at people around me...
truly, I am so ordinary.

(written 12/7/10 12:36pm Mc Donald's Banawe)

Pasko Na!

2010-12-06T17:13:00.002+08:00

Pasko Na!
Wala na siya.
Sa tagal naming magkasama,
walang gabi ng pasko
na dalawa kaming magkasalo.

Pasko Na!
Wala na siya.
Naiwan akong nag-iisa.
Maaaring mayroon na siyang iba,
pero okey ‘yun para naman maiba.

Pasko Na!
Wala na siya.
Sanay naman akong nag-iisa,
naghahanda ng Noche Buena
na sina nanay ang kasama.

Pasko Na!
Wala na siya.
Basta ako maayos na,
dahil kahit ngayon ako’y nag-iisa,
sa wakas hindi na ako balisa.

Pasko Na!
Wala na siya.
Hay naku siya siya!
Hindi na nga pala ako nag-iisa,
dahil ang kasama ko ay SIYA.

Shadows of Lies

2010-12-04T19:51:00.004+08:00

People are people.
Lies are lies.
People lie.
People are liars.
People live in the shadows of lies.
Admit it or not, we are all liars for we are people.
People hide through the shadows of lies.
Chained by the shadows of lies.
And hurt by the shadows of lies.

People are people.
Lies are lies.
People lie.
People are liars.
People live in the shadows of lies.
Admit it or not, we are people, others want to live in the shadows of lies.
Others choose to stay away from the shadows of lies.
Now tell the people where you are.
Living in or staying away from the shadows of lies?

People are people hiding through the shadows of lies.
People are people.
We all lie.

(I started writing when I was experiencing heartache and pain.I wrote this one at the height of my brokenness and posted last July. Year 2010 is about to end, if there's one writing I would never forget, well... I guess this one.)

Ayokong Magbasa Ng Tula

2010-12-04T11:02:00.009+08:00

Ayokong magbasa ng tula,
na isinulat sa matatalinhagang salita,
at kailangan ko pang hanapin ang kahulugan
bago ko tuluyang maintindihan!

Ayokong magbasa ng tula,
na isinulat sa mga karakter na Hapon.
Magkakandaduling-duling lang ako sa maghapon,
sa sakit sa mata para akong asong kinakapon!

Ayokong magbasa ng tula,
na isinulat sa wikang Pranses.
Dahil kahit ulit-ulitin ko pa ng ilang beses,
di ko talaga maiintindihan chuvachenes!

Ayokong magbasa ng tula,
na isinulat ng mga nagra-rap,
Dahil kahit ito'y sa tenga'y masarap,
di yata bagay sa akin ang magfliptop!

Ayokong magbasa ng tula
na isinulat na puno ng luha.
Lalo pa’t si Kulay ang sumulat ng mga iyon,
sobrang nakakahiya dahil teka ako iyon ah!

Ay naku!
Ayoko na munang magbasa ng tula!

Oh My Badge!

2010-12-03T19:49:00.015+08:00

One day without having a doubt,
I tried helping someone dear out.
She needed to have her own blog,
if I’d do, she’d give me a hug.

I asked her which one she prefers,
in tumblr, blogspot or wordpress.
At the time she was still thinking,
I opened up my e-mail thing.

And thought I was in delusion,
with that badge of nomination!
Because of too much excitement,
I downloaded the attachment.

I forgot the polite request,
and blankly stared at the word “best”.
Then went straight ahead to my blog,
not having that someone dear’s hug.

Oh my badge of nomination,
you make writing my addiction!
Someone dear I hope you'd forgive,
if I get so inattentive!

Oh cool Philippine Blog Awards
I'd keep this one on my records!
Oh my badge of nomination,
Hope this is not mere delusion!

(Thank you PBA! Endless thank you!)

Paper, Scissors, Stone...Oh dear fate come on!

2010-12-03T00:24:00.002+08:00

Paper, Scissors, Stone.
Oh dear fate come on!

You’re playing with me once more,
but hey please I’m not a whore.
Good old one closes its door,
but you open up some more.

Paper, Scissors, Stone.
Oh dear fate come on!

Tell me which one should I go,
for I hate to say oh no!
I’ll listen as you say so,
if it’s right then I must go.

Paper, Scissors, Stone.
Oh dear fate come on!

All the lights have been turned on,
don’t want darkness reach my bone.
I am living on my own,
Oh please my dear fate come on!

Paper, Scissors, Stone
Oh dear fate come on!

I play paper, scissors, stone,
oh my dear dear fate come on!
A good one to call my own,
and with a heart not a stone.

Paper, Scissors, Stone
Oh dear fate come on!

Ahahaha!

2010-12-01T17:01:00.002+08:00

Maghapon na akong nakahiga.
Nagbabasa ng mga dati kong naisulat.
May naalala ako...
Kanina pinagmamasdan ko yung mga constuction worker
na gumagawa ng building sa trabaho ko.
Nakita ko yung bigat ng trabaho nila,
eh paano pa kaya kung brokenhearted pa sila?
Ahahaha!
Di ko alam bakit naisip ko yun.
Siguro kasi kung naging construction worker ako
at ng panahong brokenhearted ako,
baka inilagay ko na ang sarili ko sa mixer.
Ahahaha!
Di ko alam bakit naisip ko yun.
Biglang may lumapit na bata at nagtanong,
"Ma'am bakit tulala po kayo?"
Ang sagot ko, "O sige gumaya ka."
Ahahaha!
Di ko alam bakit naisip ko yun.
Pakiramdam ko kasi nainspire s'ya eh,
kaya nasabi kong o sige gumaya ka.
Ahahaha!
Matatanggal ako sa trabaho nito.
Ahahaha!
Malamang constuction worker ang bagsak ko.
Maghapon na akong nakahiga.
Nagbabasa ng mga dati kong naisulat.
May naalala ako...
Bakit ako magiging construction worker?
Eh babae nga pala ako!
Ahahaha!
Di ko alam bakit naisip ko yun!
Maghapon na akong nakahiga.
Nagbabasa ng mga dati kong naisulat.
May naalala ako...
Maghahalo pa nga pala ako ng semento.
Este!
Magsusulat pa pala ako ng lesson plan ko.
Ahahaha!
Maghapon na akong nakahiga.
Nagbabasa ng mga dati kong naisulat.
May naalala ako...
pero tatawa na lang ako.
Ahahaha!

Tanong Sagot

2010-12-01T00:05:00.007+08:00

Bakit Ako Maganda?

Ewan ko.
Tanong n’yo kaya sa nanay at tatay ko.
Ay teka. Sino bang nagtatanong?
Ay ako pala!

Bakit ako maganda?

Pakialam n’yo?
Tanong n’yo kaya sa nanay at tatay ko.
Ay teka. Sino bang nagtatanong?
Ay ako pala!

Bakit ako maganda?

Eto na…
Bilugan ang aking mga mata,
matangos ang aking ilong,
maganda ang hugis ng aking mga labi.

Ewan ko.
Pakialam n’yo?
Tanong n’yo kaya sa nanay at tatay ko.
Ay teka. Sino bang sumasagot?
Ay ako pala!

Bakit ako maganda?

Eto pa…
Istreyt ang aking buhok,
makinis din ang aking kutis,
maganda rin naman ang hubog ng aking katawan. (ehem)

Ewan ko.
Pakialam n’yo?
Tanong n’yo kaya sa nanay at tatay ko.
Ay teka. Sino bang sumasagot?
Ay ako pala!

Bakit ako maganda?

Ewan ko.
Pakialam n’yo?
Tanong n’yo kaya sa nanay at tatay ko.
Ay teka. Sino ba talagang maganda?

Ay ako pala!

Kagabi Nakakaloka!

2010-11-30T19:30:00.000+08:00

Kagabi…
Tinext mo ako,
ang sabi mo magkita tayo.

Kagabi…
Nagkita tayo,
ang sabi mo hello.

Kagabi…
Niyakap mo ako,
ang sabi mo ay lab yu.

Kagabi…
Niyakap kita,
ang sabi ko mahal din kita.

Kagabi…
Naglapat ang mga labi natin,
at ang gabi ay naging atin.

Kagabi...
Nangako tayong magmamahalan,
hanggang maglaho na tayo sa kawalan.

Kagabi…
Nagkita tayong talaga,
pero sa panaginip lang nakakaloka!

In My Cerebrum

2010-11-29T04:26:00.019+08:00

Coffee for two,
I was sitting right in front of you.
I said you look different now,
but your brown eyes look the same.

Coffee for two,
I was sitting right in front of you.
You said I look the same,
but I speak so differently now.

Coffee for two,
I was sitting right in front of you.
We recalled the days,
how to kiss on our wedding day.

Coffee for two,
I was sitting right in front of you.
We recalled the day,
how we bid each other goodbye.

Coffee for two,
I was sitting right in front of you.
We talked about my dramas,
after all that we'd been through.

Coffee for two,
I was sitting right in front of you.
We laughed our hearts out,
telling each other how happy we are.

Coffee for two,
I was sitting right in front you.
We wished each other well,
for we have found ourselves.

Coffee for two,
I was sitting right in front you.
We said thank you but we had to go
and we turned off the camera on our yahoo.

Dear you,

2010-11-28T19:26:00.011+08:00

Hello. How are you? How have you been?
I sent you a message thanking you for everything.
It was the most wonderful message I wrote for you.
But I feel sorry by the thought that you were not the one who read it.

Hello.How are you? How have you been?
Remember you told me you want me to be happy?
I sent you a message telling you I've moved on and I'm happy.
But I feel sorry by the thought that you were not the one who read it.

Hello.How are you? How have you been?
Most of my writings are all about you.
I sent you a message telling you the thing we had leads me here.
But I feel sorry by the thought that you were not the one who read it.

Hello. How are you? How have you been?
Staring at your facebook public view, I'm sorry but your bio is not so you.
I want to send another message to you,
but I feel sorry by the thought that you are not the one who's going to read it.

Hello. How are you? How have you been?
And If you're going to ask me?
I am happy and I can see that you are happy too.
But I feel sorry by the thought that you were not the one who read my message to you.

Hello.How are you? How have you been?
Staring again at your facebook public view, I want to send another message to you,
because I feel sorry by the thought of what you have become,
if your bio was written by you.

Hello. How are you? How have you been?
Yeah you... dear you.

Vanilla

2010-11-28T03:33:00.007+08:00

I am a girl from Manila,
and I am vanilla.
Everything about me is ordinary,
after experiencing love as temporary.

I don't like putting earrings,
not even try wearing g-strings.
If mostly women want to be on FHM,
I'd rather be alone listening to Francis M.

I don't like wearing make-up,
I'd rather look like I just woke-up.
I don't even like to pony tail my hair,
and if it's not attractive to men,I don't care.

I prefer rubber shoes than stilettos,
and sit everywhere eating my piatos.
Well I like street kind of dancing,
that's because,I don't know how to sing.

I'm surrounded with kids in the morning,
in the afternoon, I feel like blogging.
And If you find me boring,
then go get your towel and do your thing.

I am a girl from Manila,
and I am vanilla.
Yes,I am a girl from Manila
and I don't care if I am vanilla.

Bata Bata

2010-11-24T17:37:00.006+08:00

Batang mabait,
nanay nya'y mabait.
Bulsa n'yang maliit,
puso nama'y di maliit.
Ang kape mapait,
ampalaya mapait.
Bakit ang batang mabait,
ngayo'y mukha ng mapait?

Bata!
Bata!
Mabait?
Mapait?

Batang mapait,
nanay nya'y mabait.
Bulsa n'yang maliit,
puso nya'y naging mapait.
Ang kape mapait,
ampalaya mapait.
Bakit ang batang mapait,
ngayo'y di na mabait?

Bata!
Bata!
Mabait?
Mapait?

(take away that bitterness in your heart and it will MAKE SENSE... make sense? oh you... yeah you!) =)

Shooting Star

2010-11-22T19:49:00.004+08:00

The talks that we had
the smiles and the laughter
sigh...
I miss 'em.

You're a shooting star
wish you're not just a shooting star.

Sleepless nights
and morning hi's
sigh...
I miss 'em.

You're a shooting star
wish you're not just a shooting star.
aaah sigh...
but you really made me smile!

(to the one who makes me smile right now...wish you're not just a shooting star...) =)

Hazel Eyes

2010-11-22T12:53:00.006+08:00

Speed of light,
like the speed of light
I dream of you and our pillow fight.

Bullet train,
faster than the bullet train.
my heart beats when you come after the rain.

Hazel eyes,
with your hazel eyes
feels like I'm in paradise.

Speed of light
faster than the bullet train
that's how you get me with your hazel eyes.

(wish you're not just a shooting star...my smile) =)

I AM A GIRL

2010-11-03T11:31:00.005+08:00

How many million times the world I’m living in has heard of what I’ve been through after the loss of a love. How many words have I spoken and written to escape from insanity. Each one of them was full of tears.

I was hurt. I was wounded.
And I knew how it feels to be a girl… being hurt by another girl.

A few months had passed and my world is once again turning around. I find inner happiness that I’d been looking for after the break-up.
I started smiling…
and laughing…
and cracking jokes.

I guess it is not too much to say that I started getting attention from the boys around me… for it is true.

And now I know HOW IT REALLY FEELS TO BE A GIRL.

But my heart wants to rest… and my soul longs for solitude.
I want to be alone...
single and happy...
surrounded by my family and friends both boys and girls whom I CAN BE ME when I AM WITH THEM.

Boys…
I get attention from them now because they find me fun to talk with.

Girls…
If their boys are one of them… I AM SORRY. I’ve learned a lot from my past. And I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE A GIRL. And if I cross the line and I hurt a girl like me for that… again... I AM SORRY.

I am me.
No one can change me.
I love fun.
I love having fun… with both boys and girls…
talking to them…
listening to their stories...
and sharing mine.

And if a boy finds me interesting and befriends me… I guess it's fine.
And if his girl is being hurt by that friendship…
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE A GIRL.
I AM SORRY.

I’m living in this world with a wider horizon, with a broader mind and an understanding heart.
I learn to put myself in the shoes of others.In the shoes of a girl like me.
Simply because...

I AM A GIRL.

Well...

2010-10-10T19:46:00.005+08:00

I had a lot of mistakes in the past...

things that I should not have done,
words that I should not have uttered,
life that I should not have lived.

At present, this is me...

know me well,
know me deeply,
know me...

But this is not me...
pleasing others,
this is me...
wanting to please HIM.

For I am nothing without HIM.

In the future...

It's all up to me,
all for HIM...
for I want to hear HIM say...
"Well done."

Know me well,
Know me deeply,
Know me...

well... it's all up to you.

Like the Phoenix

2010-08-31T12:01:00.002+08:00

I stood ashamed
with the feathers of past hurts.
All that I was and
all that I hoped for,
vanished,
torn apart
and burned into pieces.

But from the ashes,
I rose up like the Phoenix
with inner strength and beauty.

I was restored to discover who I am…

I dared to move.
I dared to spread my wings.
I dared to fly.

Now I won’t stand ashamed
with the feathers of past hurts.
All that I am
and all that I hope for,
may vanish,
be torn apart
and burn into pieces.

But from the ashes,
I’ll rise up like the Phoenix
with inner strength and beauty…
again
and
again…

I’ll move.
I’ll spread my wings.
And like the Phoenix…
I’ll fly.

(Jean Grey is my favorite X-Men heroine, also known as THE PHOENIX. Such a wonderful coincidence, I never thought that this day would come that I’d see myself like the phoenix rising up from the ashes.) =)

Smile

2010-07-27T12:54:00.027+08:00

Never did I realize that you were there all along.
The stares and the smiles meant nothing for me then.
I didn't have any idea that you wanted me to stop crying, forget about the love I lost and bring back the smile on my face.

Several months have passed when I finally said to myself that I have to move on and bring back the old me.

I started smiling again.
I started greeting everyone with glee.
Then I started noticing you.
Sheesh...
Then we started smiling at each other.
And you said "hi..."

Well... thanks.
Now I can say that I am genuinely smiling once more.
We're happy seeing each other,
we're free and
we're making each other smile.

Isn't that cute?

Smile. ^_^

God Knows Best

2010-07-25T07:54:00.007+08:00

My life is a great novel. GOD writes each chapter of it and all the best scenes are His choice, not mine and never will be. For those best scenes are from the worst ones that He allows to happen as the story goes on. Indeed, He is THE GREATEST WRITER I've ever known so who am I to edit His masterpiece? :)

The worst things in my life are not my choice, but from them arise the best ones. Therefore, they are God's choice for me because He allows them to happen.One thing I've learned from my past is not to choose what I think is best for me, but to wait for God's perfect timing in giving me such.God knows best. :)

Lastly, may I also say... God brings out the best in me from the worst in me. :)

HIATUS.
I hope you enjoy reading my previous writings. ^_^

TODAY (After Surviving the Loss of a Love)

2010-07-23T14:29:00.000+08:00

“When an emotional injury takes place, the body begins a process as natural as the healing of a physical wound. Let the process happen. Trust that nature will do the healing. Know that the pain will pass and, when it passes, you will be stronger, happier, more sensitive and aware.”

I had been through that dreaded emotional injury early this year. My fairy long love story meant a lifetime for me and I never ever thought that it would come to an end. At first, in my notion, the injury would last forever, not even time could heal it. But I forced myself to trust the nature to do the healing.

I had struggles in trusting and believing in the healing process and for me,the pain would not go away. It was hard to let go because then, attachment was fine but detachment was hurtful and not an easy thing to do. I felt like I was a rat caught in a trap because of that cheesy thing called “love” screaming “I don’t want the cheese, I just want to get out of the trap!” I didn’t care about that cheese anymore, I just wanted to get out of it. But it was really hurtful.

Detachment caused so much pain. At the time that I was forcing myself to detach, I found the ONE who would help me get out of the trap through prayers.This quote was very true..“In the darkest hour the soul is replenished and given strength to continue and endure.” It was then that I had to continue my life with the loss of a love and endure the pain for it would come to pass.

I continued living my life and experienced the three distinct, yet overlapping phases of recovery. The first stage is shock/denial/numbness. The second stage is fear/anger/depression.The third stage is understanding/acceptance/moving on.

I was shocked, I was in denial, and I felt numbness. I was in fear, I was angry and I was depressed.

Then I started to understand. I started to accept. It was true that nature would do the healing.

Now, I am moving on.

Yesterday is over.

Tomorrow isn’t here yet.

Today, is the most important day to see the bright side of the loss of a love.

I believe in this…“Record each day, in some way: the lessons you learn, the good you do, the good that happens to you, the insights you have, and anything else that seems of interest.”

I am recording each and every lesson I’ve learned from my past. Each and every lesson I’ve learned from the loss of a love. I am keeping it here in my notes, my notes inside my heart. There is truly a bright side after all.

The loss of a love tells me to hope for the day that I am going to be happier, stronger, more sensitive and aware. And that day is…

today. :)

(Quotes were taken from the book The Portable Life 101.)

My Note

2010-07-23T14:11:00.001+08:00

(To a wonderful father, Mr. Pacifico Manuel - Ate Joy's dad. Adapted from his note 'YOURSELF')
Posted last June 23, 2010.

Youth is slowly passing me by,
thirty years of my existence
teaches me so much things about life.

Indeed, life is but full of “LIEs”, conditions and alibis –“IF”,
When we scrabble that life into something different
It will create vast “FILEs” of sorrows and pain”.

I’ve been through a lot of sorrows and pain
Yet I know that I AM NOT SCRABBLING OUT OF MY SHORT LIFE.
But, that’s life.

Bumping into people like you, Sir
makes me feel that this life is worth living
despite those vast files.

Your experiences, struggles and deficiencies
and how you stay strong with your ups and downs
are worth looking at.

How great it is to know someone just like you
in my life’s journey
through your daughter's eyes.

I still have a lot of things to learn,
of battles to win
of struggles to overcome,

But simply looking at people like you…
Those vast files?
Are now just a piece of cake.

Thanks for writing about YOURSELF Sir.
Now I know how good it is to be
MYSELF.

(I was checking my FB friends' status when I saw Ate Joy's wall post, a note from her dad. Then, I suddenly miss my tatay. He's as wonderful as her dad. I read the note and I was deeply touched, I couldn't help but write this for him. "Sir, I quoted po some of your words.")

After posting, I got this reply from him. :)

To: Marilen Tavera,

When I wrote that piece ”yourself”, I was not expecting comments from other source except maybe from Joy and her siblings, because I made it not just a tribute to myself as a loving father, but it also serve as simple commendations to my children . Indirectly it might as well act as a simple advice to young people who might be able to read it, like my grandson Vans, who seems not seriously concerned about the future.

You’re about twice my age and may not have heard about a song entitled “YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS YOUNG” originally sung by Roy Clarks and adapted by most famous artist Like Glenn Campbell and Andy Williams as well as our very own Nora Aunor in the late 60’s.

That’s one of the oldies song favorites in my list and its lyric is hereto attached to give you additional simple understanding about life. The writer/ composer obviously scrabbled his own life into something different. He wasted much of it for his self “pride, fame and materialism” that’s why he ended up alone with bitter taste of tears, because he didn’t make good use of his short life … when he was young. TALAGANG NASA HULI ANG PAGSISISI.

Joy is right when she said you’re an intelligent person. What you
wrote speaks for itself. I am not a writer like you. I can only speak and write about my own just “once in a blue moon”. I am not capable of composing or writing any poem or other topics. This is just I am.

Go on with what you are doing. Your files of poems and notes
were wonderful. You’ve got talent and your works need to be published for others to see. You have a bright future as a poet/writer.

Congratulations and thank you for your adaptation to my “YOURSELF”.

YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS YOUNG
Andy Williams

Yesterday when I was young
The taste of life was sweet like rain upon my tongue.
I teased at life as if it were a foolish game
The way an evening breeze may tease a candle flame.

The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned
I always built to last on weak and shifting sand
I lived by night and shunned the naked light of day
And only now I see how the years have ran away

Yesterday when I was young
So many happy songs that waited to be sung
So many wild pleasures lay in store for me
And so much pain my dazzled eyes refused to see

I ran so fast that time and youth at last ran out
I never stopped to think what life was all about
And every conversation that I can now recall
Concerned it self with me and nothing else
Yesterday the moon was blue
And every crazy day brought something new to do
And I used my magic age as if it were a wand
I never saw the waste and emptiness beyond.

The game of love I played with arrogance and pride
And every flame I lit so quickly, quickly died
The friends I made all seemed, somehow to drift away
And only I am left on stage to end he play.

There are so many songs in me that won’t be sung
I felt the bitter taste of tears upon my tongue
The time has come for me to pay for yesterday,
When I was young.

From: Mr.Pacifico Manuel (thru facebook)

WOULD I NEVER BE A GOOD WRITER?

2010-07-23T14:10:00.002+08:00

(This is my answer to the one who said I would never be a good writer.)

I don’t dream to become a doctor because I hate to see blood.
I don’t dream to become a dentist because I hate to look at someone else’s mouth.
I don’t dream to become an engineer because I hate Math.

I dream to become a writer because I love to explore my own mind and someone else's mind.

And what does it take to become a dreamer?
Nothing.

And if you think I would never be a good writer…
Think again.

Because it takes nothing to become a dreamer,
and there’s no such thing as a bad dreamer.

Now tell me, why would I never be a good writer?
Think again.
I guess the zombies ate your brains.

Shadows of Lies

2010-07-23T14:06:00.001+08:00

Our World is Full of Pretensions.. Mine is Over

2010-07-23T14:05:00.000+08:00

“I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.”
-Charlie Chaplin

All humans are pretenders. No excuses. We are all capable of hiding what we feel inside and pretend that everything is heavenly fine… and everything around us is in great nirvana.

I confessed before that I was a pretender capable of concealing all emotions.

Realization comes as early as this point in my life.

Why should I pretend?
Why should I conceal my emotions?
Why should I keep my tears from flowing?
WHY SHOULD I CRY IN THE RAIN?
Why should I?

In reality, I am also capable of bringing it all out.

We are living in a parallel universe wherein all creations that science (oh no dear science..NO!) claims to be his,are all connected.We are connected to each and every thing that exists. And each one of us and the things around us exist with a purpose but not all of us exist to be pretenders. I respect Mr. Chaplin for crying in the rain. His purpose in life was to make others happy,the reason why he concealed his pain.He pretended that all was fine. And because of his belief (which I absolutely agree) that “We want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery.” If I get it right, that’s the reason why his tears were hidden.

BUT FOR ME - I can make you happy but hey! I am in pain too! I won’t cry in the rain. Instead, I will let my tears be like the rain. And if the world doesn’t want to live in my misery, then let it be.But I will not deprive you (world) of my happiness, I will share it with you like what Mr. Chaplin did.

In spite of living in a world full of pretensions, I claim to exist with a purpose. Just simply be me and stop being a pretender.

Things around me are starting to be back in proper order. Some remains fixed, the others are broken. But be it fixed or broken, they can all be replaced.No reason to continue pretending.

I’m putting an end to all my pretensions. Scream at the top of my lungs that this is me and this is how I feel. This is what I am capable of doing and this is what I am incapable of. Tell the universe that our world is full of pretensions but my pretension is over.Mine is over.

smiles, tears, and heartaches

2010-07-23T14:02:00.000+08:00

He smiles at a woman
of fine dresses,
stilettos and
diamond rings.

He smiles at a woman
of lenses,
make-up and
lipstick she brings.

Then he smiles back at me
wanting me to be that woman.
And his smiles bring me tears and heartaches.
Smiles. Tears. And Heartaches.

He gives me
smiles,
tears,
and heartaches.

For I am not a woman
of fine dresses,
stilettos and
diamond rings.

And I don't have
the lenses,
make-up and
lipstick she brings.

For I am only a woman
of smiles,
tears and
heartaches.

For he always gives me
smiles,
tears,
and heartaches.

(written: 7/8/10)

They Did It Because They Love Me

2010-07-16T14:36:00.020+08:00

(written and posted 7/15/10)(edited 7/16/10) My friend Ate Rizza texted me yesterday asking if I have written something about family and friends.(hahaha.. it's Bea's assignment in school!) I replied to her saying, "I don't have any but thanks for giving me an idea!" And voila! I have this one instantly! Hoy! Bayad ko!!! Sinend ko na sa FB mo 'to. :)Biro...I did this because I love all of you! :)

My parents took care of me when I was sick,
but when I misbehaved they prepared a stick.
No matter how I cried because it hurt me,
My heart said they did it because they love me.

In times that I needed their help, they helped me.
And told me to be the best that I could be.
But when I failed, I never heard them blame me,
My heart said they did it because they love me.

Time passed by,I grew up and asked for freedom,
but I was lost when I tried to beat boredom.
They rescued me and they did not question me,
My heart said they did it because they love me.

Now I recall everything they did for me,
and ask why did they never get tired of me?
Then I look up to heaven with so much glee,
For God says they did it because they love me.

Ayos na sana!
Oo nga pala naalala ko Grade One lang si Bea, mataas yata ang ginawa ko para sa kanya.
Here comes Ate Rizza...
"Uy maganda yung ginawa mo, iba ka talaga kaya lang kay Bea yun e."

Hahaha... natawa ko sa sarili ko eh! Napuri nga mali naman pala! Kaya ito bago magstart sa trabaho, sinulat ko ito, sakto na para kay Bea. :)

My mommy and daddy tell me one day,
Bea, be good in everything you say.
And I say, oh yes mommy and daddy,
when I grow up, I'll be a fine lady.

I will take care of Thea my sister,
and I will wait for my baby brother.
I will forever love the three of you,
and to God I will always say Thank You.

When A New Love Knocks At The Door Of Your Heart

2010-07-15T15:22:00.009+08:00

What would you do?

Forget someone
and
let somebody in?
Take away the sadness
and
fill in the emptiness?
Leave the promise of love behind
and
listen to a new promise of a different kind?
Consider your past
though in reality,
you have to live in the present?

Are you caught in between?

I am.

Kulaydoscope Notes!

2010-07-14T21:45:00.006+08:00

K - ulay is
U - undeniably
L - earning
A - nd
Y - earning
D - irection in understanding
O - bjectively herself and
S - ensitively assessing her
C - haracter and behavior, and
O - f
P - eople she
E - ncounters

N - ot
O - nly
T - aking notes of
E - xperiences but also of
S - atisfaction in doing so.

(written: 7/14/10)(My first acrostic)I wish this one makes sense! :)

Little Bitch

2010-07-10T18:49:00.003+08:00

And so I see this little bitch,
she's very proud to be that rich;
She spends all her money,
ends up with a pony.
Oh...I pity you little bitch.

(written: 7/10/10) (My First Limerick)

She's a Leech

2010-07-10T08:32:00.006+08:00

She sucks your blood for she's a leech
then leaves you bloodless and alone.
Almost lifeless, light you can't reach -
She sucks your blood for she's a leech.
For the same old life's lessons teach
stay away from her or be thrown.
She sucks your blood for she's a leech
then leaves you bloodless and alone.

(written: 7/10/10 8:25am) (My Triolet #2)

Love,Game,Play

2010-07-10T06:05:00.004+08:00

Love they say is a foolish game
but no one tells me not to play.
Thus, it makes me a crazy lame.
Love they say is a foolish game
and it would not make me the same
somehow at the end of the day.
Love they say is a foolish game
but no one tells me not to play.

(written: 7/10/10 1:09am)(My First Triolet)

Gimme this, Gimme that

2010-07-09T19:56:00.002+08:00

Let her go,
my dear gigolo.
She's nothing.
I'm everything.
Gimme this.
Gimme that.
Imma pay you for this.
What she's gonna do?
Pray all night for that?
Let her go,
my dear gigolo.
She's nothing,
I'm everything.
I'm gonna give you this,
I'm gonna give you that.
Just gimme this
and gimme that.
Let her go,
my dear gigolo.

(Whatever that means #2 7/9/10 )

She's a whore, I'm a word

2010-07-09T19:50:00.016+08:00

(clean version)

She's a whore.
Yes, she's a whore.
Wanting to be penetrated
and be thrown in the gutter.
The next day,
she'll ask for more
for she's a whore,
and destined to be a whore.

I'm a word.
Yes, I'm a word
wanting to be uttered
and be heard all the more.
The next day,
I'll ask for more,
for I'm a word
and destined to be a word.

(Whatever that means #1 7/9/10)I have another version for this, but I choose not to get naughty here. Please bare with me, oh sorry! Please bear with me rather. :)

If I was a Cake

2010-07-09T12:32:00.008+08:00

If I was a cake,
I would give you a piece of me.

I would be a black forest or
maybe a premium dark chocolate.
Blueberry cheese is fine,
as well as a carrot cake.

If I was a cake,
I would give you a piece of me.

The indulging taste of a black forest or
maybe a premium dark chocolate.
Mouth-watering blueberry cheese,
as well as a carrot cake.

If I was a cake,
I would give you a piece of me.

Well... just a piece of me.
The taste of my sweetness,
that would always make you
come back to me.

If I was a cake.

(written: 7/8/10 edited: 7/9/10)

smiles, tears, and heartaches

2010-07-08T13:39:00.001+08:00

You, Me, Us

2010-07-07T12:35:00.009+08:00

It's not about the stares that we had.
It's about YOU
making ME
the apple of your eyes.

It's not about the talks that we had.
It's about YOU
wanting ME
to feel fine.

It's not about the strolls that we had.
It's about YOU
walking with ME
spending your time.

It's not about the fun that we had.
It's about YOU
listening to ME
laughing my heart out.

It's not about the tears that we had.
It's about US
becoming
US
when there was still
YOU,
ME,
and
US.

(written: 7/7/10)

Why?

2010-07-06T17:27:00.003+08:00

All the things left undone,
All the words left unspoken,
All the memories of some years ago,
All the emotions I have...

I want to be numbed.

When my heart needs to be heard,
When my mind wants to be freed from the thoughts of yesterday,
When my lips want to speak,
When my hand wants to write...

I want to be numbed.

But why can't I?
And I want to know
WHY?

(written: 7/5/10 edited: 7/6/10)

Untitled

2010-07-03T17:49:00.018+08:00

Remember the last time you kissed my lips and why,
For those sad kisses gave me fears and let me cry.
Between you and me was the truth hidden by lies,
And so much pain led us to say our own goodbyes.

Beliefs and hopes that I had for so many years,
Brought me all days and nights of endless lonesome tears.
Promises vanished like dreams that had come and gone,
For the love you had for me was meant for someone.

(written: 7/3/10)

IN MY GARDEN

2010-07-02T17:19:00.037+08:00

I'm holding my magic pen,
And counting from one to ten.
Then I find myself sleeping,
In my garden... wandering.

I'm running through the rainbows,
With my own bows and arrows.
And walking in the prairies,
Talking with all the fairies.

Standing in front of the dwarfs,
Having our beautiful laughs.
Watching the great phoenix flies,
and unicorn in the skies.

Walking naked in bare foot,
Bathing in fountain of youth.
Jumping in a waterfall,
Waking up... in bed I fall.

I'm holding my magic pen,
And counting from one to ten.
Then in bed again sleeping,
In my garden.... wandering.

(written: 7/2/10 pen and paper)

An Open Letter (A Note For Me)

2010-06-30T13:32:00.015+08:00

To: Marilen Tavera,

When I wrote that piece ”yourself”, I was not expecting comments from other source except maybe from Joy and her siblings, because I made it not just a tribute to myself as a loving father, but it also serve as simple commendations to my children . Indirectly it might as well act as a simple advice to young people who might be able to read it, like my grandson Vans, who seems not seriously concerned about the future.

You’re about twice my age and may not have heard about a song entitled “YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS YOUNG” originally sung by Roy Clarks and adapted by most famous artist Like Glenn Campbell and Andy Williams as well as our very own Nora Aunor in the late 60’s.

That’s one of the oldies song favorites in my list and its lyric is hereto attached to give you additional simple understanding about life. The writer/ composer obviously scrabbled his own life into something different. He wasted much of it for his self “pride, fame and materialism” that’s why he ended up alone with bitter taste of tears, because he didn’t make good use of his short life … when he was young. TALAGANG NASA HULI ANG PAGSISISI.

Joy is right when she said you’re an intelligent person. What you
wrote speaks for itself. I am not a writer like you. I can only speak and write about my own just “once in a blue moon”. I am not capable of composing or writing any poem or other topics. This is just I am.

Go on with what you are doing. Your files of poems and notes
were wonderful. You’ve got talent and your works need to be published for others to see. You have a bright future as a poet/writer.

Congratulations and thank you for your adaptation to my “YOURSELF”.

YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS YOUNG
Andy Williams

Yesterday when I was young
The taste of life was sweet like rain upon my tongue.
I teased at life as if it were a foolish game
The way an evening breeze may tease a candle flame.

The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned
I always built to last on weak and shifting sand
I lived by night and shunned the naked light of day
And only now I see how the years have ran away

Yesterday when I was young
So many happy songs that waited to be sung
So many wild pleasures lay in store for me
And so much pain my dazzled eyes refused to see

I ran so fast that time and youth at last ran out
I never stopped to think what life was all about
And every conversation that I can now recall
Concerned it self with me and nothing else
Yesterday the moon was blue
And every crazy day brought something new to do
And I used my magic age as if it were a wand
I never saw the waste and emptiness beyond.

The game of love I played with arrogance and pride
And every flame I lit so quickly, quickly died
The friends I made all seemed, somehow to drift away
And only I am left on stage to end he play.

There are so many songs in me that won’t be sung
I felt the bitter taste of tears upon my tongue
The time has come for me to pay for yesterday,
When I was young.

From: Mr.Pacifico Manuel (thru facebook)

-0o0-

Sir, honestly I don't know what to say.Thank you is not enough.Yesterday, I was thinking of what I would be posting today to end the month. I just checked out my facebook and Ate Joy wanted me to look at your note for me.I smiled and got teary-eyed. This is worth posting and telling the world how grateful I am to people like you. Sir,I haven't heard that song but I'll try to search for it here in the web and listen to it.
I am thankful that when my life was full of sorrows and pain, I met wonderful people.Now I'm still meeting people, experienced people like you and some others who directly and indirectly teach me to just go on with my life because those (sorrows and pain) are just part of it, do what I want, and be what I can be.
I would never forget my father's last words to me "KULAY, MAGPAKATATAG KA." Just like you, he had seen what life was all about.Sir, AYOKO PONG MAGSISI SA HULI. Now, I am living my life with happiness that comes from within, for I know, I am not scrabbling out of that short 'life'.
Sir, Ate Joy knows what I've been through, and her family is a family to me that's why when I read your note, I felt like I am one of your children and you also wrote that for me. :) Thank you po. You have a wonderful family, for you are indeed, a wonderful father.:)

-Marilen Tavera

Little Boy Noynoy

2010-06-29T17:03:00.005+08:00

Tanong ng pamangkin kong little boy,
"Tita, sino po ba si Noynoy?"
Sagot ko'y "anak siya nina Cory at Ninoy,
at ang kanilang one and only boy."

Kapatid din siya ni Kris,
na marami na ang tiniis
sa kabila ng magandang bihis
at makinis na kutis.

Bukas, si Noynoy na ang ating bagong pangulo,
at sana'y huwag maging sakit ng ulo.
Dapat ay maging isang mabuting pinuno,
Para sa ating mga Filipino.

O ayan little boy,
kilala mo na ngayon si Noynoy.
Payo ko'y dapat parehas kayong huwag maging bad boy,
kundi ilulublob ko kayo sa kumunoy!